I could swear there’s an elephant on my chest. My husband and I had a tiff, the kids successfully stomped my last nerve to smithereens…
…the laundry didn’t get done, the house has not been properly cleaned this week, the ironing I swore I’d do just keeps piling up…
And now after typing that my stress level has now reached a tipping point.
That thing I’m supposed to be controlling. That thing that has all but destroyed my health.
And the funny part is that I never seem to recognize it until it’s too late.
Maybe it’s just such a familiar face that I miss it….or it blends into my environment so easily that I don’t see it.
I don’t know why I allow myself to get to this point.
I was doing so well. My work load was less, I was enjoying homeschooling because I had time to plan and I wasn’t thinking about all the other stuff I needed to do. It was lovely.
Maybe I’m uncomfortable with white space.
Maybe margins make me nervous.
Whatever the case, I suddenly saw time to do things I didn’t have time to do before. So, I began to take on one task after another and now I’ve stopped exercising, taking my vitamins, going to bed at a decent time or tracking my food intake. Mainly because I’m so busy running around trying to keep all my spinning plates from crashing down around me in a thousand splintered pieces.
And its all due to one thing: my trigger.
My trigger is this:
I don’t know how to relax.
Oh sure, when I plan to relax I do well. For example: Thursday and Friday while we were at the Sea I relaxed. But by the end of Friday my work-mode was starting to slowly whirl as I planned what I needed to write for Monday.
See how that works?
But I don’t know how to relax on a regular basis.
I’m type-A enough that relaxation makes me nervous.
But the problem is two-fold:
b) When Type-A takes over, my family suffers. My home suffers. My husband worries.
Type-A needs balance.
The good news is that it didn’t take me a year like last time to realize my mistake and I have already taken steps to correct it.
I back on the list as of right now.
Maybe next time I’ll recognize it earlier…or maybe I’ll finally get it right this time.
Maybe my Type-A personality will suffer amnesia and forget its familiar friend named stress…and refuse to allow it entrance any longer.
So if you see me pull back from writing for a bit, you’ll know that I’m teaching myself to relax, enjoy life, enjoy my family, enjoy my home and my yard (which is in the process of renovation – so that will be a hard lesson to learn!)
You’ll know that I’m teaching myself to embrace my margins, not fill them up.
You’ll know that I’m learning to slow down because life seems to move forward at a fast enough pace without me packing it to the gills with a lot of extra stuff.
At the end of the day, no one hugs their children goodbye wishing they had worked harder. No, they hug their kids goodbye and regret not taking more time to enjoy them while they were young.
I don’t want to have regrets.
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