I’ll admit, I never dreamed I’d write a post about intimacy in marriage.
I’m a bit shy when it comes to topics like this, and yet it is impossible to talk about revival in marriage without talking about revival in the intimate part of marriage.
While I tried to approach this subject delicately, I must preface it by saying that this post is for married women’s eyes only.
With all of the busy and messy that is life for us right now, it would be so easy to let intimacy slip to a lesser role in our marriage.
To be honest, at the end of the day I’m tired and all I want to do is curl up with a good movie or book and just veg.
And intimacy takes purpose. Intention. And energy.
Yet, failure to invest in this vital role in marriage only gives the enemy a foothold. Lack of intimacy in marriage causes apathy and distance to grow.
It’s why Paul urged married couples to not deprive one another of this sacred act in marriage.
And intimacy is sacred.
Despite our mommy fatigue and our long to-do lists, we need a revival of intimacy in our marriage. Not only is it healthy for our bodies, it is healthy for our souls and spirits, too.
Yes – even our spirit!
Here are 5 ways we can revive intimacy in our marriage
I know, so far the first thing on every list in these blog posts has been prayer. But let me tell you, prayer is so vital to ever area of our life! And we often ignore it, or fail to understand just how important it truly is.
Do you pray about your intimate relationship with your husband?
Maybe you have low libido, or none at all.
Perhaps you’ve allowed busy-ness or even bitterness to turn off your desire for your husband.
Have you prayed about this?
We should daily pray for the intimacy in our marriage: that our husbands and we stay pure in our thoughts and hearts, that our intimacy grows and deepens, and that our marriage bed stays pure.
2. Adjust your thinking
Instead of thinking about how tired we are and how much we’d just love to curl up with a book than work up the energy for our husbands, we should adjust our thinking.
Think about how much fun you will have.
What new exciting thing you can try tonight.
Think back to what your sex life was like when you were first married and try to recreate some of those fun times. Maybe your favorite CD or candle, or even get some new lingerie.
One of the biggest barriers between an apathetic love life and a thriving love life is our thinking.
A simple adjustment in the way we think about it can have a profound affect in how we approach intimacy, and even our desire for it on a regular basis.
3. Plan ahead
While there’s a lot to be said for spontaneity, planning ahead can be fun and exciting.
Plan a day that is good for both of you, and then send each other texts throughout the day, plan what you’ll wear, what you’ll do, and then put the kids to bed early and make the whole night fun and exciting.
Taking time to prepare your mind for a night of intimacy and fun with your husband can help raise your libido and help you come to orgasm more easily.
You can even set a specific night each week that is reserved for intimacy and follow this step every single week!
4. Take it slow
As you probably already know, women warm up more slowly than men do.
For a lot of men, just thinking about having sex with their wife is enough to put them in the mood. But we are far more complicated than that.
This is why foreplay is so important.
Sure, we can just skip it, give our husbands what they need, and then move on. But that’s not what God created intimacy for.
God didn’t create sex to just be a release of built up tension. He created it to be an avenue through which a husband and wife bond and continue to bond for a lifetime.
It’s more than a physical need – a primal desire, it’s an emotional and spiritual need that requires intentional care and nurturing.
Resist the urge to just “give in”.
Spend some time in preparing your heart and mind….and body to greet him with the same enthusiasm.
Even better – surprise him and initiate first. Take the lead every once in a while.
5. Don’t forget self care
Remember what I said about us being a little more complicated when it comes to our desire for intimacy?
There are all sorts of things that interrupt the delicate balance of hormones that God created and that contribute to a healthy libido.
If you find that you have an ongoing low libido, and you don’t know why, be sure to get checked out.
It could be that you have hormone disregulation, which could include thyroid dysfunction, adrenal fatigue, or chronic fatigue.
Or it could be that you are in permenopause.
Working with a medical or health expert at properly regulating your hormones will help a lot.
Two very important things that contribute to healthy hormone function, that many moms fail to pay attention to, are sleep and a healthy diet.
Never underestimate the power of quality sleep.
Two things I try to do each night is
1) No use my phone or any device 1 hour before sleep. If I’m reading on my Kindle, I make sure to dim the screen.
2) Drink strong chamomile or lavender tea.
Diet is also very important.
Because of my own chronic battle with hormone disregulation, I’ve found that sticking to a strict ketogenic diet has helped me tremendously. I have created a blog and Facebook group dedicated to the ketogenic diet.
It has helped me get my cycles back to a steady 28-day cycle, has helped to increase my libido, and cured my PMS.
Intimacy plays such an integral role in the strength of marriage. If you find that you are needing a revival in the intimacy of your marriage, I hope that these tips will help you as much as they are helping me.
My favorite books on intimacy are:
- Rosilind, a Pacific Northwest native, is a missionary living in Croatia and married to her hero. Together they live in the country with their 2 active boys where she enjoys fruity candles and a hot cup of herbal tea on a blustery fall evening. She holds an Associates of Practical Theology and is passionate about discipling and encouraging women. Her passion for writing led her to author a number of books. She is the author of A Little R & R where she encourages women to find contentment in what God created them to be. She can also be found at these other places on a regular basis. You can follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Google +.